The Father Who Loves Well

Remembrance of Pastor Paul Huang

I am going to share my remembrance in English because if my dad knew my wife Chi is here, he would want me to share this part in English because Chi doesn’t speak Chinese. 

One thing I left out of my father’s eulogy is that my father almost always wants to present the best of himself to those around him. You may know him as Pastor Paul who is funny, coherent, and knowledgeable, but I know him as a father who works hard, prepares well, and rehearses frequently. I grew up watching my father prepare for his class in school, or prepare for a sermon. He is always reading his Bible, writing down notes, or reading books and commentaries. He wants to give his best in everything he does. 

This is not only something he does as a teacher or a pastor, but it is how he approached life as well. He wanted to be prepared for his family. When I was still living at home at a young age of 25, he would wake up before everyone to work out, shower, and make breakfast for everyone in the house. He also gets home before both my mom and I, and he would prepare dinner for us. When my mom arrives home, he would go greet her and bring her bags into the house. I rarely see him panic nor do I see him being awkward or uncomfortable because he is so well prepared all the time.

I still remember our first trip to the East Coast. It was so memorable because it was the first time that my dad truly felt uncomfortable because he wasn’t really prepared for what was about to happen. The trip started off as any other trip, my mom had an idea to travel. So the whole family prepared to travel. My dad would start packing a few days before any of us, bring everything that we could possibly need, and he would even show off his backpack or suitcase while we were still packing. Then my mom would tell him to bring a few extra things that we never use on our trip, but it is so important to bring these things along with us. My dad even prepped food for our plane ride, so we don’t have to buy expensive airport food that doesn’t taste good. 

When we got there, we started to visit different museums, monuments, and stores. We would take lots of photos. My mom would try to get all of us to take family photos while my brother and I would take out our phone and take photos around us. My dad often stands in the middle just kind of waiting for us to finish, so we can take a family photo and move on. But there was something different about this trip. On this trip, we visited a few more historical sites. My mother loves history, and she loves reading all the signs and displays. She would read them out loud, while my brother and I walk away and pretend we don’t know this Chinese woman who is trying to sound out every word. According to my mom, that’s how you “improve your English.” For some reason, on this trip, my mom would want my dad to read with her. Let me rephrase, my mom wants my dad to read out loud with her, and at times, my mom would want my dad to read by himself to see if he can do it. 

To my mom, this was a way for my dad to practice his English, but for my dad, this was extremely embarrassing. My dad never got mad, but he clearly didn’t seem happy. After reading a few signs unwillingly, my mom also noticed. When we all sat down for dinner, my dad finally said to my mom that he did not enjoy reading out loud. We could only imagine how hard this was for him. It was so uncomfortable and awkward for him, to practice something in public, in front of his family where he felt that he was pressured to perform, and he couldn’t. There was no way for him to prepare and he felt that we were laughing at him for being unable to read fluently. From that point on, we have never made him say anything he was not ready for. 

I didn’t think it was a big deal, but because my dad has verbally expressed how uncomfortable he was, I thought I would respect him and honor him by not putting him in that situation again. 

But it wasn’t until when I was about to bring my wife home for the first time that I fully understood how vulnerable it was to do something that you haven’t really done before, and you are afraid that your family would judge you for what you did. 

I remember so clearly that I sat my parents down in the family room. My mom was sitting on the couch, and my dad wanted to sit on the floor. I was sitting on the floor too, and I was looking at the floor. I started by telling my parents that I have liked someone for a while and I started dating her. But I don’t know how my parents would feel about her, so it is hard for me to say her name out loud to them. In my mind, I know that my parents knew who Chi was, because they have interacted at church, and I don’t know how they feel about her. I also don’t know how to be vulnerable to tell my parents about how I feel about someone. This was truly a first. I was talking in circles, making my parents promise not to react. Then my dad just looked at me and said, “Son, we will love whoever you love.” What a relief that was. At that moment, I felt completely accepted, and my father shows how much he loves me by giving me this blank statement that covers all the possibilities. He would love whoever I love. It was at that moment, I shared with my parents that I am dating Chi, and I would like to bring her home to meet them. 

I was excited because I know this relationship is going somewhere great. It is one step closer to marriage, and I can be proud to tell my parents and others that I am dating Chi. I have completely forgotten that my dad feels embarrassed speaking in English because he is afraid that he will pronounce something wrong or say something wrong that would cause a misunderstanding. 

So when I brought Chi home to my parents the first time, my dad greeted us at the door. And he said “Welcome to our home, please make yourself at home, can I get you something to drink?” Then he just looked at us. Chi said, “yes, thank you.” Then my mom said, your dad practiced those three phrases over and over again because he wanted to give Chi a good impression. He really wanted to show his love to his future daughter-in-law. 

At that moment, I truly understand how much my dad loves me. He doesn’t care if he is embarrassed or uncomfortable. He wanted to make sure that Chi is comfortable at their house. Later on, when Chi and I were about to get married, my mom and my brother told me that my dad practiced part of the ceremony in English because he will be performing the ceremony, and Chi’s family doesn’t speak Chinese. So he had to do one part in English. He had written everything he wanted to say in Chinese, email to my brother Nick, had my brother translate it, then he would practice it every day for about a week before our wedding. My dad loves me, and he loves Chi. He loved our family, and he was willing to risk his pride, his face so that we would feel comfortable around him. He is the dad that truly knows how to love and I am honored to be loved by him. 

I miss my dad, and I will surely miss how he loved us.